1. Where is your cell phone?  hand
2. Your significant other? What?

3. Your hair? unwashed
4. Your mother? Pittsburg
5. Your father? Antioch
6. Your favorite time of day? late-night

7. Your dream last night? unemployed
8. Your favorite drink? manhatten
9. Your dream goal?  film
10. The room you’re in? office

11. Your ex? mike

12. Your fear? unemployable

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. What you are not?  happy
15. Your Favorite meal? mexican
16. One of your wish list items? happy
17. The last thing you did? cooked
18. Where you grew up? Concord
19. What are you wearing? shorts
20. Your TV is? on!!
21. Your pets? asleep
22. Your computer? whirring
23. Your life? immobile
24. Your mood? hopeful
25. Missing someone? friends
26. Your car? stolen
27. Something you’re not wearing? deodorant

28. Favorite store? Target
29. Your summer? depressing

30. Your favorite color? red

31. When is the last time you laughed? 10pm

32. When is the last time you cried? Saturday
33. Your health? impaired
34. Your children? none
35. Your future? maleable
36. Your beliefs? just

37. Young or old? age

38. Your image? scruffy
39. Your appearance? dusty
40. Would you live your life over again knowing what you know? probably

So… I’ve been trying to figure out why I hate the Lifetime Movie Network so much… besides the fact my mother watches too many movies on this channel!!  Seriously, how many times can you see Valerie Bertinelli (insert Judith Light, Missy Gold or any number of 80’s semi-stars– and Plush Room Cabaret singers) battle cancer, an abusive husband/boyfriend, drug or alcohol problem or a dark family secret they are being blackmailed for???!!  Mom lights her Pall Mall, takes a long silent puff, places the “stick” in the ashtray next to her chair and proceeds to solve one of her many crossword puzzles whilst the sad story parades on by  (and across) the television screen.  Oh, wait, i was supplying the answer to why I HATE this channel, not to a psychological background of my mother!  Oh, that digression thing again!!

Well, here it is…  I think and feel that my life has become (or is becoming) this LMN movie of the week.  There, I said it!!  I don’t know if it’s true…. maybe if I see a cameo by Charo pass through my life (wait… isn’t she one of the Grand Marshals of the Pride Parade this Sunday??!… which means she will be passing through my life!…hmmmm?? Ugh!! ) that will be the final straw to break the back of my “denial-camel” and the delusion that this is just a momentary exile of my own doing (or mental state) and the realization will set in that it’s going to take a lot longer to resolve.

But… I…
Oh, you know….

… And all thru the State, one question kept nagging; ‘Should I have a Mate?’ hmnmm?

The Stockings were strewn, along the balcony with decorative care, in hopes that 4 out of 7 justices would always be there (but not looking in)

The children were nestled all snug in a ’spoon’, whilest dreaming of saying, ‘I do’, tomorrow at noon.

With the “Sisters” in their Habits, and I in my nest, we had all just settled in, for a long-overdue rest

When along the City Hall Plaza, there arose such clatter, I jumped from the steps to see what ‘ ’twas the matter’

for it ’twas Fred Phelps with a Bible, and all his “men”, clangging all about the place, making such a great ‘din’

with a big frowning face, and nothing to sow,  we could see just how big, their voices couldn’t grow

And, behind them flying low, and with a much greater stake, was a state-owned small jet, with 7 justices… and a cake!

With a big over-pumped driver who’s wife is a Kennedy, we should all probably thank her, she could have been the remedy…

“Now Moreno, now Kennard,

now Mickle-Wedreger…

on Chin, on Baxter, on cheif justice George, on Corrigan (sorry, couldn’t rhyme them!)…

to the top of the jet-stream, and on to DC,

we’re on our way, to wait for 9 justices to see,

for precedents such as this, no one can deny,

there will be one day, we all can fly high.”

… and he exclaimed, very broadly, as they flew out of sight,

“I’ll no longer stand in the way, and we’ll all have a good night!!!”

In Concord!!!  What am I doing with myself??  How can I get my life back on track and continue moving forward after this dreaded stall that I’m responsible for?… I don’t know!  I keep expecting some answer  to drop out of the sky and settle this once and for all, but if I look up, all I see is the hot, blue, arid sky that summertime always brings to this part of the Bay Area. AND… the only noise that breaks the air here (other than the occasional Spanish-language radio station blasting from a passing car) is the HOOTING of this damned owl that has decided to make my parents backyard its home!!  Don’t get me wrong; owls are great;  they hunt small rodents and keep the vermin at bay… I’m all for saving the Spotted Owl and all of its excrement covering the high forest of the Pacific Northwest, but their HOOTING is something that, since childhood, has always struck a chord of lonliness and isolation with me.  Now that I’m recovering and have most of my energy back (but not my life), I’m really realizing that I can’t just walk out the front door to join a “city” and all its “environs” without a major hike thru mini-malls, vacant weed-covered property, and alongside 6-lane roads on a sidewalk that is far too narrow and devoid of pedestrian traffic.  It almost makes me wanna start “hooting” myself— that’s ‘hooting’, not ‘hurting’ in case you were wondering of my mental state these days.  I have a long way to go before I think I could drop that low.  But, I digress…